I was listening in on the one of the Q & A calls for women entrepreneurs and every single question asked was about the fear. And it was just heartbreaking.
What was more devastating was the answer the coach gave: "Feel the fear and do it anyway." The exact same advice I would have given two years ago until I learned how that intense fear is damaging my health. Until I stopped riding that predictable wave of breakdown and breakthrough.
We think we need to put ourselves through these intense emotions because we feel, that if we don't do it, nothing gets done and we will not move forward. So we do what we have learned so well. We use willpower and try to make ourselves move forward until our conscious mind finds some little detail, that gives us the perfect excuse to stop, and that my friend, is the recipe for self-abandonment and self-sabotage. The ideal method to become paralysed by fear.
As we are our best critics ourselves, we then move to the cycle of self-loathing. In this phase, we feel the guilt, the shame and all the not good we can muster and we are ready to give the verdict: I am a failure. This is me failing. I am not meant for this. This is too hard.
By nature, you are an Entrepreneur, so therefore the burning desire to create what you are meant to be bringing forth in this world arises from within you again. However, it is now fueled and reinforced by your self-abandonment and self-sabotage, so you are likely to repeat the experience.
It is a catch-22. You cannot stop - but you cannot move forward either. The more times you repeat the cycle more engraved that becomes as a painful pattern in your life. I should know. It took about six years to release mine, and the real, healing results came in the past two years when I dealt with the source - my subconscious - not the symptoms.
Most situations we get paralysed by are just everyday situations in an entrepreneur's life. I am not talking about balancing on the edge of a cliff, taking a gamble on your home or family money. I am talking about everyday stuff, like asking for a sale or launching a product or emailing someone twice a week. When I look at these reasons for getting paralysed by fear afterwards, they seem so ridiculous. At the time they are too real.
There is always a choice of feeling the fear and doing it anyway. You still have that option if you like. Then there is another option, and that is what changed my life. I gained my self-worth, began to trust my abilities again, stepped right back into my life purpose helping women entrepreneurs and finally - finally started to enjoy and love the journey itself.
This is not a magic pill. This is an ongoing process. As the results can be seen quickly within the first weeks, the real effects are experienced in months and years to come.
First, understand that you create yourself, that means every cell in your body and that you are also the one hurting yourself. You do that because of your unique experiences life has brought to you ever since you were in your mother's womb.
Second, understand, that you are a collection of the memories - and learnings - from those unique experiences. You were not born with fear. Life caused you to learn the fears. In all your uniqueness, in that regard, you are not different from anyone else.
Third, understand there is a gentle way to release the fears. This is done by rewriting those fears in your subconscious mind, that create your unwanted behaviours. When we go to the source or the fear and rewrite your experience about that - willpower becomes obsolete.
One of my clients said it so beautifully, she said, that every morning she wakes up ready for the day. To me what she described is happiness. No matter what life throughs at you, you feel ready.
There were times in my life I woke up and my heart sank. I felt defeated even before I got out of bed. Or I would wake up, and everything felt so heavy, that I created these massive morning routines just to keep my vibration high. And it was a struggle. Now I love my morning routines because they bring me joy, they are not a chore anymore. I don't need to "change my state" to get things done, I don't need to repeat affirmations to keep my brain from negative self-talk. Now when I meditate, I feel joy and peace of mind. That to me is happiness. And there is no way I would go back - and I couldn't even if I tried, because the old behavioural patterns are no longer locked in my subconscious mind. They are released and rewritten.
So the obvious question then becomes.
Do you want to release the fear and the overwhelm?